Broken
by KingKhan
Summary: "You did break me." Lily was the only girl James had his eyes on and it broke him to realize that he wasn't the boy who Lily had her eyes on…it broke him. JL. Rated for mild swearing. One Shot.


**AUTHOR'S NOTE – So…I realized I hadn't written anything on James and Lily **for so long **and quite frankly my previous works on them seem a little juvenile to me now but its okay because I was quite young back then...anyway I decided to rectify it just as this plot came to me…so here it is…hope you like it. This is my first OS on them...so I hope you like it. **

**SUMMARY – "You did break me." Lily was the only girl James had his eyes on and it broke him to realize that he wasn't the boy who Lily had her eyes on…it broke him.**

**Disclaimer – I obviously don't own Harry Potter but yes, I do own this story and hence using it without permission or copying it would not be appreciated.**

**Music Suggestion – Breathe by Taylor Swift/ Where do you go by Tegan and Sara/ Do I ever cross your mind by Slow Jams…yeah, I am confused…would be great if you could tell me if any song comes to your mind for this one. **

**Dedicated to some absolutely brilliant writers here on FF who write such beautiful stidd on JL like 'pantz', 'Beautifully Ugly', 'random smilie' etc etc Check out their work, would only do good to you. :)  
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**IMPORTANT - I am getting some PMs telling me that people cant review for some reason...? What exactly happens? Please do tell me...send me a PM or something so that I can check out whats wrong...Thanks! Enjoy.**

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><p><strong>Broken<br>**

James Potter was pretending to be reading a Quidditch magazine as he sat, leaned against a tree, in the lawns of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry with his three best friends – Sirius Black, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew, the four boys together known as The Marauders.

Anyway, getting back to the messy black hair, bespectacled boy…James Potter was pretending because in reality he was staring from behind his magazine with bleak eyes at the distance where a group of girls sat…or more specifically where one girl with wavy red hair sat…or most specifically where the red head sat with the arms of Liam Beyer around her petite frame and her head resting against his chest and her hair cascading softly over his shoulders…he could see her almond shaped emerald eyes shining even from the distance he was at and he could see soft laughs shaking her shoulders…and he wanted to smash something hard.

Lily Evans, the girl who he had teased mercilessly for the first 4 years of Hogwarts and then had loved relentlessly 5th year onwards. It was quite ironical that he had realized his 'crush' was actually love because of Liam – when she had floated into the common room one night 2 months back with a goofy smile on her face and had fallen, gracefully at that, on the couch and had let out a long sigh and squealed about Liam Beyer and suddenly it felt as if all air had been knocked out of him and he had left the common room to escape the blush on her cheeks and the flush in her eyes because…because it wasn't because of him.

He did not come back that night and thankfully none of his friends followed him, they knew that he needed alone time. He had sat alone and wise on the top of the Astronomy tower staring at the stars, realizing that they had bound him to Lily Evans and there was nothing to be done now…but he could not but feel resentful towards them for seeming to have linked Lily with Liam instead of him. But he did not cry, he did not even let out a single moan…but his heart? That was a different story altogether.

It felt strangely alive, now knowing that it beat for Lily Evans, but also heavy and pained knowing that hers didn't. His shoulders were slumped and his arms weary. His eyes were getting heavy and he had fallen asleep, under the stars and under the love he had just realized…and lost. It hurt him beyond comprehension that the only girl who he had eyes for, had her own eyes on another boy. It hurt.

He noticed Liam getting up and offering her his hand which she took with a smile and a blush and they left, his hand protectively around her waist and hers around his, in love and adoration and James Potter felt emotionally sick and quickly excusing himself, he took off himself…back to his safe haven.

He had been sitting there for he knew not how long, staring at the cloudy sky…wondering it its disposition was because of how he felt…when he heard laughter coming floating in the heavy and harsh air and he whipped his head around…and wished he hadn't.

Liam and Lily had waltzed in with their hands in each others, laughing and pink and it was spelt all over them why exactly they were there.

Lily stopped short when she finally noticed him, sitting forlorn and staring at her with a heartbreaking expression. She noticed the slump in his shoulders, the weariness in his arms, the dismay in his eyes and the way his face looked…as if it hadn't been broken out into a smile for a long time.

They stared at each other for a few moments before Liam pointedly cleared his throat, his eyes darting between them and the connection was broken and for once James Potter felt the need to put his anguish into words, to let it out…to tell her everything that he felt…to tell him to back off…to steer her away from Liam and straight into his own arms with the sheer honesty of his words…to tell her that he loved her and would always do…and he did open his mouth but all that came out was a hoarse whisper, "Sorry."

He did not what he apologized for…for being here, for breaking his gaze away from hers or for being the way he had been for the past 6 years…for being the way which made her choose someone else for herself. He got up without looking at either of them and made his way to the door behind them, pausing ever so slightly just once…hoping against hope that she will call him back, say anything at all…say his name just once, even if in just greeting…but the silence cut through him like hot needles and he left, his feet hardly making any noise of his leaving…

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><p>Lily Evans felt something she didn't quite know how to describe…seeing James like that, so vulnerable so small…had made her falter. And she did not know why to either emotions…but maybe she did but she was suppressing that part hard and Liam's hands on her only helped that bit…although, in some part of her she could still see the pain in James Potter's hazel orbs and the sheer magnitude and intensity of that pain made her clench her own eyes shut.<p>

Over the next few weeks, she unintentionally noticed the changes in James Potter – he had grown distant and his appetite had declined…the laughter from the Marauders' end of the Gryffindor table had grown less and strained and more like tries at something. She noticed that although he attended all lectures and the Head Meetings, his heart was elsewhere…his eyes were vacant but they still held so much, so damn much that it made Lily want to claw at her own skin in frustration! James Potter was annoying the fiery red head with his silence as he had always done with his boisterous alter ego! She wanted to catch hold of him and shake him till the secrets held in those vacant eyes spilled right out!

She had become irritable with everyone and snapped at the littlest things. She had had more than one argument with Liam over the past couple of weeks and had not really spent quality time with him since that day in the Astronomy Tower…how could she? It was like his laughter-less eyes and his defeated body stance were haunting her twenty four hours, seven days a week! Every time Liam touched her or attempted to (as was the case these days), his hoarse "Sorry" would repeat in her head growing louder and then softer and make her lurch away. All she could think about was why was James Potter acting the way he was? Why was that boy so infuriating? Why was he affecting her this way? WHY?

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><p>James notices Lily getting snappier by the second and longingly wonders if it's because of him but as soon as that thought crosses his mind, he squishes it unceremoniously with a humorless laugh. She was with Liam, she didn't care two hoots for him and his broken heart. But she was unhappy, he could see that, and he could not stand that.<p>

He needed Lily to be happy…that was the only thing pulling him through…her happiness was of paramount importance - the way her eyes lit up, even if wasn't for or because of him, still made his heart calm while it broke in two anyway; the sound of her laughter gave him strength to not give it all up because that may just make her feel a bit bad (a long shot he knew but he also knew that Lily would feel bad if a Slytherin fell down and hurt himself too so it was not really that long a shot…); the way she flapped her hands all over the place when talking about something which she was passionate about, it made him a bit warmer on the inside…but lately Lily had stopped doing all these little things – she just seemed angry and confused and irritated…even her hair seemed to be losing its shine and all her face showed these days were the tired remnants of a mind hard at work without success and he could not have that, so he decided to see what it was all about – the worst Lily could do was push him away and abuse him, he was used to that…and honestly, all that didn't matter if it meant getting to know how she was doing so squaring his shoulders, he approached her as she sat in the sofa infront of the fireplace, her one leg tucked under the other, her hair framing her beautiful face and he green eyes burning a hole in the glowing embers.

"Hey." He was surprised by the sound of his own voice…he hadn't really heard it much over the past few weeks…

Lily did not bother looking up, if anything she scowled harder at the fire, the green of her eyes growing darker with the reflection of the fire glowing in them – dangerous and foreboding.

James sighed and sat down in front of her, pulling the stool a bit closer.

"Are you okay?"

Lily snorted unkindly making James more and more worried…what had happened? He knew it couldn't be anything he had done…after all he hadn't really done much in the past days…so what could it be that was making Lily so indifferent and mean.

"Lily? What happened?"

Lily looked up at him, her emerald eyes accusing and angry and so fiery that James stumbled a bit. She glared at him for a few moments, deciding how to best confront him, and then said in a freezing tone, "As if you care."

"What?"

"I said as if you care about 'whats wrong' with me." Lily replied, now sitting straight and glaring at James.

"I do." Came out of his mouth and it seemed as if truer words had never been spoken…but Lily Evans was too preoccupied to notice and she just huffed at him.

"Lily…tell me…is something bothering you?" James tried again, distraught at seeing Lily so unhappy.

Lily was now getting up and was about to stomp upstairs to her room when she felt her arm being tugged back and when she turned around, she found James hovering directly above her – his hazel eyes showing genuine concern.

They looked at each other for a moment, each appraising the other and their own self when they heard Liam's sharp voice, "Hey! Leave her!"

James turned around to face him, his hand still gripping Lily's arm securely yet gentle in its approach and then he looked back at Lily.

"Leave it, Liam. I will handle Potter." James flinched at her using his last name again…after all they had decided to address each other properly since the 7th year had started, in view of them working together as Heads of the student body, but Lily seemed to have forgotten that…and also, James had gotten used to hearing his name from her…he loved the way it rolled on her lips, the way it sounded when she said it out loud and her going back to 'Potter' was nothing short of a kick in his guts.

"So Potter, where were we? Oh yeah…you were trying to make me believe that you really cared about me?" she spat out, her eyes wild and her hair crackling with electricity…she vaguely thought how just being able to interact with James again, no matter which way, had made her feel alive again…as if getting up from a long tiring nap…but the thought was vague because the anger she felt weighed as being much more tangible…and comfortable.

James flinched at her tone but held his ground…he felt a little like what he used to be before the Liam fiasco and he was going to hold on to that…it had been far too long since he had been with Lily and it didn't matter if it involved them fighting…after all he had fallen for her while they had been fighting all the time anyway…

"What is the matter, Lily? Huh? Why are you acting so cold? So irritated?"

"So you noticed that? Geez…I thought all your time was only for yourself, you self centered prat!"

James was taken aback…what the hell was going on? He didn't have to say anything because Lily continued, her voice getting louder each passing second.

"You're right, Potter! I am angry and irritated and something is on my mind! Something is wrong! You want to know what? Do you? Well…here is your answer – ITS YOU!"

Now the whole common room had fallen silent and was witnessing the scene unfold…the scene which had taken place many times at many places all over Hogwarts and even Hogsmeade and sometimes the Hogwarts Express…but this time something was different – it was more intense, more layered.

Neither Lily and James cared about their audience any more…Lily was breathing heavily, her eyes watering a little bit while James was…a bit shocked.

He was the reason Lily was upset? He was in two minds whether to do a quick 'Hurrah!' because a. he wasn't sure what exactly was his role in that and b. Lily was upset and that was never anything to do a 'Hurrah!' about.

So he just gaped at her.

"What the hell has been wrong with you these days? Why aren't you being you? Laughing, pranking, annoying the hell out of me? WHY? What happened? Why did you get so quiet? SO FUCKING SAD? You scared me SO much? That day in the Astronomy Tower, you took all my calm, all my happiness with that one fucking word! WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE 'SORRY' ABOUT ANYWAY? I was so fucking scared! SO SCARED THAT I HAD BROKEN YOU SOMEHOW!"

Lily paused to take a harsh breath and wipe her eyes with the back of her hands. She could feel herself shaking with anger and her heart constricting. She had finally let it all out, everything that had been eating her up for so many days…and…and THE IDIOT WAS NOT EVEN SAYING ANYTHING!

She let out a strangled cry before letting herself lose from his gentle grip on her shoulder and tried to run up the stairs into the safety of her room…where she could cry and be confused without him breathing down her neck but he was too fast and caught her once again and pulling her close to him and she heard his own short thinking breaths, his heart beating, his own body shaking and when she braved herself enough to look up at him, he saw her looking at her trying to make sense of everything that had taken place and just the fact that he still didn't get it made Lily look down, bitter tears making their way down her cheeks now, leaving a hot trail behind them – she liked him. She actually liked James Potter and he just wasn't getting it!

"Lily?" his small voice broke in through her thoughts and she felt herself gulp before answering with an equally small "What?"

"You did break me." His voice was steady and his gaze even more so.

His words made Lily's heart ache and she unsuccessfully tried to fight against his grip, willing to get away but he held her and with one long finger managed to raise her face to his own.

"But you fixed me too." And with that he swooped down for a kiss, a gentle but powerful one, putting all of his feelings for her in that one kiss – fervently hoping that this was what she was waiting and hoping for too – and when he felt her giving in to the kiss, he smiled gently into her lips and he wrapped his strong arms around her while she encircled his neck with her own, pulling him down even more, neither caring about the rest of the world or the catcalls, sighs, clapping or even a single moan of protest…they were finally together, finally saying all they had to…the world could wait for this moment was only for them. Only for James and Lily. Only for Lily and James.

And even when they did break apart, James and Lily's eyes didn't.

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><p><strong>So…how was it? Any good?<strong>

**Do send in your reviews…it would be very nice of you. And don't forget to tell me if there is a song which you thought fits this story… :)**

**KingKhan aka Rae**


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